Stacy Leigh

Stoic and strong but now she's gone...

2011-09-30T18:58:00.003-04:00

My Mom passed away on Monday September 26th. She took her last breath while I was holding her in my arms. I watched her suffer for those last few days, and it will take me a long time for that visual to dull to the point where it doesn't rip me apart.

Today was her funeral.

I miss her already...

*the above photo is of my Mom when she was about 17. I've always loved this picture of her. Glad the boyfriend called me, because she told him not to. My poor little Mom, she was trying to protect me.

Man plans and God laughs...

2011-09-19T23:34:00.016-04:00

My Mother spoke those words from her bed in the ICU... So much for paradise. The day after my last blog entry my mother suffered several seizures and was rushed to the hospital. I flew down to Florida the next day to be by her side. She was there visiting her brand new "recycled" boyfriend. I call him recycled because he was her very first boyfriend ever. They were together when she was 14 and neither of them ever got over one another. We later found out he had been searching for her for years, but he was looking under her maiden name. Anyway, I digress...

Two days after I arrived, while she was in the ICU she was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. She suffered the seizures because the cancer had metastasized EVERYWHERE... to her brain, her nodes, her spine (which she lied to me and told me it didn't) you get the picture. Needless to say I am completely heartbroken as losing a parent is hard enough, but to know they will be suffering until the end is devastating. This was all very shocking for me as my Mom is 59 years old, I thought we'd have another 15 years to get under each others skin. Cancer is a horrible disease as we all know.

I watched my Grandmother die from lung cancer. I took care of my Grandma until she needed at home hospice. It was one year for my Grandmother- from diagnosis 'til death. It was the day after her funeral that I myself quit smoking cigarettes. My Grandmother made me promise to quit on her deathbed. And my husband (a boyfriend at the time) in an attempt to help me further- told me it was the cigarettes or him. I would never dishonor my Grandmother, so I gave up cigarettes. I remember begging my Mother to quit then. I wish she did, but even so that is no guarantee that she would have thwarted off cancer. Lets face it, it's either cancer or heart disease but we all eventually die. That is the cycle of life, as much as it hurts.

My Mothers prognosis was NOT good. She received 10 full brain radiation treatments and has since started her chemotherapy. Unfortunately chemo lands her in the hospital every time. She called me on my 40th birthday (september 10th) to wish me a happy birthday, and she could barely speak, it sounded like she was drowning. I have begged her to come home to NYC and let me take care of her, but she won't. I would happily do it, but she wants to be with her boyfriend. I am not thrilled about it, but it's her life and who am I to tell her how to face death. We all have our own way of coping. She doesn't want to talk on the phone, so I have been relegated to texting- at her request. She won't text/talk to anybody in the family... She is one of five siblings and they all love her but she doesn't want to deal with anybody except her boyfriend.

And that includes me.

The last time I got to see my Mom was the last week of August. I have asked her every other day to please let me visit her again. She tells me no, or just doesn't text me back until the next day. I certainly don't want to piss her off by pushing myself on her, but I don't know what to do. I fear I will never hold her again. Or look into her face, and that makes my heart break into a million little pieces. If I keep pushing she will shut me out completely like she did with her brothers and sister.

Her "recycled" boyfriend and her got together in April, and she's already made him her medical proxy. That scares me, who is this guy?? Why is she doing this? I just don't understand. Part of me thinks it's the tumors in her brain. She can barely write anymore (if at all) and she has other issues that are presenting as time goes by. Maybe that's why she wants to hide away from me. I sent her this email earlier today, as her texts to me in the last few days have gotten shorter and shorter. Today she texed me two words. Just two little words. "Yea Jets!"

Dear Mom,

I know that you are facing the toughest and most important battle you will ever face. I am truly sorry for you and wish with all my heart that this had not been the hand you were dealt. I understand that it is your life and I respect you for every decision you've ever made- wether I agree or not. I have to say that this happening 1500 miles from home was both a blessing and a curse... It allowed you to survive what would have surely been the end (the seizures) had you been home alone. The curse, is that I'm here and am literally out of the circle even though I am your flesh and blood.

When you were admitted to the hospital a couple of weeks ago, nobody told me. I'm not sure if that is what you really wanted- or maybe it's extraneous circumstances that is prompting that decision, but whatever it is I just don't understand why. Are you trying to protect me from seeing you ill, or do you really want me to leave you be with just Joe? I wonder every minute of every day why I don't get to know what is going on, or more importantly get to see you or even hold you. This is very painful for me, I dare say more so than anybody who knows you. You are my Mother. I came from your womb, don't you get the depth of my connection to you?

it runs as deep as my DNA.

Please let me see you. Even if it's only for one day. Please let me know how much time you have left. Please let me in.

I love you,
Stacy

I don't know where her health stands as of today- but if the prognosis is right, Christmas is really going to suck this year. I'm hoping and praying for a miracle, but I'm pretty doubtful...

As an aside: Her new recycled boyfriend hates me (get in line buddy!!!! There is a whole group of Doll guys that HATE me) But the fact that this boyfriend doesn't like me is not surprising really, since he told me he divorced his FOURTH wife because he hated her son. AND he just happens to be estranged from his only daughter, but still has a stellar relationship with his son. I suppose as long as he makes my Mother happy and does right by her- I can't ask for more. Truth is, I couldn't give a fuck about him I care only about my mother. I just wish she would let me do more than help her out financially and buy her gifts. I hope the email I sent today is met with a good reception. I'm worried she will stop talking to me altogether, or that her cruddy boyfriend doesn't tell me when she dies.

Anyway, I realize this was a SUPER depressing blog entry but it is where my life is at this moment. I won't be writing about my Mothers illness again, but I may share a happy memory or two. Of course you will know when she passes away... lets hope it's not for a long time.

*So if you've read this far- thanks for putting up with my 'Debbie Downer' blog entry, I promise the next one will be focused on other aspects of life and my photography.

**the above photos are of Chinatown NYC. My mother never cared for my dolls (big or small) or pictures of them to be honest. But she has always LOVED my other work- like my environmental portraits and my black and white photos. So here are two of my favorites that I shot over the summer.

with a little help from my friends...

2011-07-06T09:00:00.003-04:00

Sometimes the weirdest shit happens.

Not too long ago, I was contacted by a magazine editor. It's a New York based fashion magazine that I have been buying on and off for the past 6 years or so. Anyway, the editor contacts me about doing a shoot for the magazine and asks for a meeting. Of course I oblige, and show up ready for anything.

Damn good thing I was too!!!

As it turned out he wanted to use my dolls with some other photographer!!!! Are you serious? Wow. And in case I wasn't completely insulted- he had the gumption to say (and I'm quoting here), "I never even thought to use you as the photographer".

plunk!

That was my ego smashing on the floor! He even mentioned a photographer that has nothing over me in skill or talent. But here's the funny part... he said everything I shot with the dolls has been done before, and he wanted to do something different- like body painting. HA HA HAHAHAHhahahahaha!!!!!!!!

Body painting? You mean like they do every year in Sports Illustrated?

Needless to say, I declined.

*the above pics are of Saglara and a bunch of lovedolls.

Best thing I never had...

2011-07-04T22:57:00.010-04:00

*the above pics are of my good friend Meagan, I've known her for about 4 years and only recently did I photograph her. I still wonder what the fuck took me so long?

oh well... better late than never

:)

TriBeCa Rules...

2011-07-02T09:15:00.008-04:00

What can I say about Tribeca?

It's the best place in NYC to live. The other evening I saw John Stewart sitting on a stoop texting. I saw Natalie Portman walking her dog- and a year later pregnant walking with her new man. Even JayZ talks it up in a song. Of all the places in NYC to be, this place feels most like a slice of suburbia- though it looks nothing like it.

Strollers, trees, dogs and cobblestone...

Yep, Tribeca rules.

*the above pic is of the very well known Collister Street, taken at dusk. There are NO PHOTOSHOP TRICKS! This is the pic in all it's glory.The shadowy figure is my sweet husband doing the modeling thing!

**This is a cell phone pic of the paparazzi just outside of my window. My doorman shoo'd them away, but they were waiting to take pics of Natalie Portman. I feel a little protective of her, she's tiny but also she subleased the apartment right above me while she was filming Black Swan. The paparazzi sucks.... stalker scum!

The Edge...

2011-06-30T11:52:00.003-04:00

During my loooong lapse in tending to this blog, much has happened. For starters, I had foot surgery- which SUCKED! But I'm almost all better now and soon I can wear heels for more than a couple of hours. Actually, now that I think about it I'm probably not supposed to be wearing them this soon after the surgery. Oh well, I'm doing fine and that's all there is to that chapter.

In last last few months, I took a class at Parsons New School for black and white film. I enjoyed being in the darkroom VERY much, and shooting film of my City was a wonderful challenge that was much needed. I shot strangers with their permission. I actually approached them asked, took a pic and then engaged in conversation before shooting another pic. I approached many different type of people and all of them were oddly enough born and raised in or around the Five Boroughs. When I scan the film to disc, I will upload some of these portraits just in case anybody wants to see them.

And also, since were on the subject of life and all... I should mention that the Hubby and I are at our strongest we've ever been. I love him and being married to him is my single greatest source of happiness. He is my world, and I'm lucky to have a bond with a human like the one we share. Recently Beyonce (the singer/artist) released a couple of songs off of her new album early and one of them is called 1+1. That song embodies where we're at. And I'm thankful for it every moment of the day.

Well, I've got junk to do and so I'm off for now. But I have a feeling this blog will resurrect in a most positive way. As my life has turned a corner and the view from here is paradise.

*The above photo was shot in Tribeca NYC, with a model named Daniela. I had shot her many times before, but never like this.

Everyone Get's a Turn...

2011-06-28T11:34:00.003-04:00

Sneaking back in here... hope you don't mind.

hugs!
Stacy

sister do you know my name?

2010-11-09T15:14:00.013-05:00

I wonder what ever happened to my step sister Ahni. My mother's second husband, Chuck, had a daughter named Andrea.... but she liked to be called Ahni. Her real name was actually Andrea M. Mark. and her family was from Idaho. Boise to be exact.

Anyway, we were a month apart in age. I was older. We hated each other. HATED. We would have actual physical fights. Turned out before he met my mother- Ahni's father used to physically abuse her. About four years into their marriage, he began to get increasingly hostile towards my Mom. One day he snapped, and turned a gun on himself and then on my mother. He was a bona fide nut. I called the cops on him (I was in 6th grade and we lived on Long Island). This was the last straw. We were free of them, but not before he tried to beat up my mother.

It backfired.

My mother damn near tore Chuck's eye out! My Mom just about beat the shit out of him!!!! HA! She called a "friend" of hers and he picked us up in his nice mob style sedan (turns out this guy had been courting my Mom for awhile). He took us to Brooklyn bought us some clean clothes and toothbrushes and that was that.

So there you have it, I think about Ahni from time to time and wonder if she is still alive. I've tried to google her name, but nothing comes up. History tells me that people who are totally off the grid- are probably dead. Well, that's what happened with David and Patty and why would the outcome be any different now?

just wondering and maybe just a little rambling too...

*the above pics are of me and a Realdoll. I photoshopped my wrinkles to make me look a bit younger. I mean, fuck I'm almost 40! getting old has it drawbacks, but I'll take it over the other option. Once again the blog title is a White Stripe's song. I don't know if you noticed, but I do that from time to time.

Rag and Bone

2010-10-14T20:34:00.003-04:00

I wish I knew how to embed a link to song into my posts. I keep wanting to add a link when I use a song title, but I am CLUELESS! Anyway, the title of this entry is a song from the White Stripes, listen to it if you can. I love Jack White and anything he does. He is currently filling all five slots in my "free fuck pass list".

more of my fun day spent shooting Victoria...

:)

*the above pic is victoria posing with a couple of BoyToy dolls.

Icky Thump

2010-10-13T14:46:00.003-04:00

Shooting some personal work with a friend trumps anything, anytime- any day of the week. This is supposed to be touchy subject matter. Thank you Victoria, for your tremendous effort!

*the above pic is victoria, just wanted to share...

Realdoll Rules!

2010-10-06T09:26:00.008-04:00

*the above photos are my generation 2 Realdolls. The male doll is named Devon and the female is Valentina. I love how the new skeleton poses, I hope they work it out so they can make it support the weight of a full size male doll... I would LOVE it!

because some people are stupid...

2010-10-06T08:48:00.019-04:00

-A doll company is born.
-They ask us to invest, we decline.
-Instead we buy a doll from them with two heads. ALL for full price, the same as any customer did at the time.
-We were also offered a stand for free. As were the other first 5 customers.
-I receive my 1st doll from said company and take MANY photographs.
-I allow the new doll company to use all of the photos to sell their dolls. For free.
-I am offered a male doll on a discount. I paid $3800 for a $5000 doll, that's a $1200 discount.
-There was no contract for the discount, just a receipt and a cashed personal check.
-I attempt to sell a doll because I HAD to. My husband gave me an ultimatum.
-I chose to sell their doll, because it was THE ONLY doll I payed for. ALL of my other dolls at the time were given to me for free by the manufacturers in exchange for photos to use on their respective websites.
-The doll company sent me a curt email, saying I have damaged their business by trying to sell the doll.
-The second head for the doll arrives MONTHS after the doll itself does. It has ugly 'Groucho Mark' eyebrows, even though I requested it have none. And remember, I paid FULL PRICE.
-Months pass and eventually the email updates on my male doll order cease.
-Almost a year later I recieve a contract written by the CEO, that says for the discounted doll I must:
*Give the doll company 10 different doll photo shoots consisting of 6 to 8 photos each over the next 8 months.
*Or, if I still want the doll I must pay the $1200 difference.
-I accidentally lose the contract/letter written by the CEO of the company while in San Diego shooting for a competitor.
-The male doll is ordered to be discontinued by court order due to the lawsuit.
-Over 1 year later, and I still don't have a doll...
-Or a stand.
-Or my money.

SOME IMPORTANT FACTS:
-I have a rule, free doll= free pics. I generally shoot about 35 photos in varying looks and styles in return for the free doll.
-I have what is known as a "Day Rate". It is my daily pay as a photographer. I charge more than $1000 a day. To offer me a $1200 discount for 80 photos is fucking INSANE. But then so is suing your former employee!!
-When the doll company came to fruition, we were considered friends. But after I put their doll up for sale, they turned on me.

That company is LovableDolls, and they have chosen to sue their former employer Realdoll. They lost all but one count, and that was decided by a jury of their peers. They still use my photos and even put my name on their website so that if you do a google search on me- their website shows up.

I have a load of disdain for them. Really I do. They are very bad people, and I allowed them to use me. Shame on me!

*lesson learned*

the cristi...

2010-09-27T22:25:00.003-04:00

She's my favorite model, we work REALLY well together. She so gorgeous it's absurd. These are some of the last shots we did together. I have more plans for her.

always.

*and if it wasn't clear already, the above pics are of the the cristi. complete and utter hotness times two.

holy fu@k!

2010-09-27T12:46:00.006-04:00

I had to share this as soon as I saw it, as I am COMPLETELY blown away!!!

Please go google Ron Mueck.

I would add a link here, but I am totally inept. This guy is an amazing artist. I am seriously impressed beyond words.

*the above photos are of Ron Mueck working on one of his amazing sculptures, and the other is of the sculpture in a museum. I lifted these pics off the net and have NO idea who to credit. sorry.

I'm still in awe.

RIP 2006-2010

2010-09-23T04:18:00.012-04:00

Today my camera died...

As I began this photo shoot, so began the demise. I will get it fixed, but it's definitely time to upgrade. Now it's imperative! So in honor of the passing, I offer this:

An Ode to my old 5D-
Oh Canon, how I love thee- Every push of the shutter you set me free.
We have shot, many a doll- you even worked after that fall.
I can't express what you mean to me, you've brought out the beauty my eyes doth see!

HA HA! I am officially an asshole.

more:

*the above photos are of my two realdoll 2 body b's. these pictures are just a few frames out of many. when I don't get sex, this is the result. blame or thank the husband, it's all how you view smut I suppose...

I cut like a Buffalo...

2010-09-20T16:04:00.010-04:00

Pretty thing, squeezing blood from a stone. You do nothing whore. Why do I like you?

*the above pics are of my Realdoll 2, Kristin

store bought bones...

2010-09-09T10:25:00.004-04:00

I.
am.
inspired.

My camera is calling my name.

*the above photos are of Val and she is AMAZING! With a new articulated spine and a new posable neck, Realdoll has outdone themselves!

overkill...

2010-09-07T20:48:00.012-04:00

As an artist, you have to learn to differentiate between good advice and just plain overkill.

Recently I have asked some well known photographers what they think of my doll work. I was told by one person that I should leave in the chains and stands that aid in posing the dolls (I discarded that advice), and that I should do a lot more photoshop to make them look real (this negates his 1st bit of advice). I was told by another that I need to add motion (which results in a lovely motion blur, THIS is great advice). I was told by another (and this one I had to laugh about) that I have framing problems and I don't know how to use negative space. This from a guy who definitely shouldn't throw stones from his glass house... albeit a lovely house (after all, he IS good). He has some photos with weird cut off limbs and negative space that is filled with blown out highlights. I chose to ignore 95% of his advice. He was conceited and to me the affliction was unfounded. Because I find a lot of his work is utterly and tragically forgettable.

He told me my work was "boring as shit", and that there is none of "me" in my work.

I literally lol'd...

My work reeks of me. I am sometimes vapid and sometimes full of emotion. The gamut of my work reflects that.

He than spent the next 5 minutes tooting his own proverbial horn! He bragged about taking photos as a kid... Really? I mean if that's all it takes to make you special, good! Because I used to shoot my Barbie dolls! Started painting on canvas, sewing clothes for my Barbies and photographing them, all by the tender age of 6!!!! He bragged and bragged about shit that most artists do anyway. *He is NOT special* He simply believes his own hype. And although I found his "critique" gratuitous, self indulgent and just plain inaccurate, I did learn one very valuable lesson...

You have to be convincing in selling your worth as a photographer, or you've got to have delusions of grandeur.

Me, I've got a little of both.

*the above pic is Valentina in some shots from a series that I took for my personal work. There are six other photos in this set. I have pics of her with motion blur actually punching the other doll in the face, but I didn't want to post the whole set here. Recently I have decided to show the Ying to my Yang... and it's ugly.

random thought...

2010-08-26T12:29:00.005-04:00

I don't understand how my flickr account has over 24,000 views, when I was banned from their search engine upon joining? How'd that happen? You can search for my flickr account until the end of time, and you will never find it. I thought that being omitted from their search engine was an extreme reaction to my smutty work, but it hasn't stopped people from stumbling upon my stuff. I find that interesting for some reason. I'm sure it's not an interesting point to anybody except me, but who else am I going to mention it to?

Here is a nice commercial shot of the new Realdoll face for their website, she truly is a knockout:

more gratuitous doll photos of my newest hussy, Valentina coming soon...
:)

My Chick Bad...

2010-08-25T15:12:00.006-04:00

My Chick good.

My Chick do stuff that your Chick wish she could.

This is Valentina.

She could easily be my Chick... if only she could breathe.

*the above photo is the first photo of the new Realdoll face. I LOVE this face. I can tell we're going to get along, she reminds me of Cassie. Yum Cassie. I have found a muse in this doll so you can expect to see her A LOT in the coming weeks... gotta' go, the camera is calling my name!

Loves.

Consoler of the Lonely...

2010-08-24T13:07:00.010-04:00

ha ha <<--- awkward nervous laugh

Just got a call from the UK.

The "story" of my doll habit was read back to me (equipped with an AWESOME British accent... utter hotness). I had a good laugh during the final reading. The article is what the Brits call, "cheeky". It was actually quite accurate, but also a little skewed to the sexual side of doll ownership. But why would that surprise anybody?

I am a doll person. Of that I am sure.

The only thing that REALLY bugged me and caused my nervous laugh, was that they lifted a photo off of my blog (without permission) as an accompanying photo to the story. And of course they picked the MOST sensational picture they could find (surprise, surprise). It's the only photo ever taken where I kiss my dolls cheek. To make matters worse, the photo was taken with my built in computer camera. Blech a technically defunct photo no less!!! Are they trying to give me heart failure?? I can assure you that it's going to piss the husband off more than me.

It's true, I like to be in control... although this time I have conceded. Late last night I set up the camera and snapped away some pics to illustrate my relationship with my dolls. You know', the professional relationship... Sure enough they would try to push the whole sexual aspect of doll ownership.

boring.

Let them print it. I don't give a shit at this point. I don't fuck the dolls!!!

But that's probably only because I am ill equipped!

Here is one of the pics from last night:

me likey!

*the above photo is Shane and me getting ready for another photo shoot. I look like a hag next to her, that skinny fake bitch!!!

rubber doll...

2010-08-12T13:16:00.014-04:00

So I shot three rolls of film just to get the creative juices flowing, and I really enjoyed the process as well as the results. I want to print them out and drool all over the grain.

There is no photoshop, only resizing and adding my name.
Here are a few of the photos:

Over the past couple of weeks since my meeting with the Chelsea gallery owner, I am in the process of creating work for an exhibit (little of which you will see, it's to be kept under wraps). When the work is complete, I will go back to the gallery that is interested and let it all hang out, and I mean all of it. I have been told that my work definitely has something, but they want more.

more of what, they did not say...

just more.

They (okay mostly him, but her too!) satiated over the photos. Except for one photo he called "commercial crap", which he promptly tossed aside as though it literally it burned his eyes. It was super funny and I lol'd, honestly I did! I was surprised the meeting went on for well over an hour. It spoke VOLUMES to me. He told me to stop talking several times, and corrected my annunciation of a word or two. He was wonderful for giving so much of his valued time, and he really guided me in the right direction. I am thrilled to have met him, and I hope the stuff I am working on gives him what he so desires...

more.

*the above pics are my BoyToy doll Pricella, and a Realdoll face on a Boytoy body. The other is my beloved and oldest Realdoll Shane (the smoker). Her silicone is VERY fragile these days, she is slowly falling apart and it kinda' gives me the feeling that she is 'dying'.

:insert pouty face HERE:

omg...

2010-08-10T12:49:00.009-04:00

I am ridiculous

This photo was a request from a writer (for a UK tabloid, I believe). I find it more disturbing than any photo I have ever taken. I don't know why yet... I just do. Anyway, I had to crouch or I would have towered over the surrounding dolls. I haven't exactly said "yes" to this article, I need to read it first. It will probably be degrading, it almost always is. When I do have the chance to read the finished article, if I feel an inkling of remorse or a parallel to insanity- I will nix the whole damn thing.

That's the problem with a lot of magazines/writers/tv producers, most of them want sensationalism. I am so on the fence about this article, that I may never let it come to fruition.

Park magazine (France) and Fantom magazine (Italy) are still the only magazines to feature my photos for the sake of art. I have never consented to any other article on me, and I am seriously doubting this one will get the green light either.

fuck, the more I type the more I am talking myself out of this whole idea! Typical Stacy Leigh. I don't care for sensationalism dammit.

I'll know for sure after I read it.

*the above pic is me with my group of hussies... had the writer waited another week or so, I would have had a tenth doll to add to the lot. Crap, I really do look like a fucking psycho.

woot!

2010-07-28T23:32:00.004-04:00

That's stupid for; "I'm happy!"

The meeting with the gallery went super well, and I'll tell you all about it soon... suffice to say I did not get the immediate "yes" I was hoping for, but what transpired was almost as good!

did I mention "woot!"

yeah, sorry... I'm happy though.

*the above photo is my Ruby13 doll with head 3, I have about given up on naming my dolls heads/faces. I don't have the capacity to remember all of their names. Instead, only the favorites will be named. Sorry pretty head #3.

This IS NOT my photo...

2010-07-26T15:41:00.011-04:00

BUT...

It was hanging in a prestigious gallery in the renown gallery district on NYC's West Side. This photo is a part of a series that was shown at the gallery I have an appointment with tomorrow. There are about 8 of these snapshots of Blythe-like dolls. Each dolls eye has a picture from history photoshopped into the reflection of their eyes. ho hum. Not for me. I wonder why, if the photos are still life and shot in a studio- AND not documentary or journalistic style. Then why not make the lighting interesting too?

I suppose, I just wanted to show you what I am up against tomorrow.

vs.

For me the choice is simple. For an art snob, the choice is equally as simple...

*the first two pics above are from an artist named Venieri the last pic is mine, but you knew that already!

I'm waiting to exhale...

2010-07-26T10:13:00.011-04:00

and she looks like she wants to inhale!

I went to the gallery I mentioned this Friday, and found myself meeting with the "front line". It wasn't the actual curator, it was his assistant. Disappointed to say the least, she let me know without mincing words that it is very difficult to get him to look anyones work. She hadn't even looked at mine yet, and already she was being negative!!!! Oh lordy! What's an artist to do? So I explained my work and handed her the disc concurrently. I kinda' figured that she would peruse the disc of photos, while I tell her the story of my work. Nope. She listened like she was intrigued, but she never slipped the disc in. I am thinking it's in the trash bin, without ever being looked at.

And then there was the nasty feminine guy in another gallery I went into. He should be bitch slapped on a daily basis for being unnecessarily mean. As I explained my work to him, he interrupted me mid-sentance to tell me "there is already several projects out there like that". I tell him I know all about Anoush, and his doll face snapshots... And I know all about Elena Dorfman, who did a book called "Still Lovers". HELLO??? Not even in the same ball park. "Still Lovers" focuses on the relationship between the dolls and their owners.... I wanted to say, "Listen art fag... My body of work is called, Objectified"

But I didn't.

I politely told him I am fully aware of every project (I'm talking strictly art here, not journalism) that involved Realdolls. And I proceed to tell him what I had started to tell him before he rudely interrupted me. I am positive he threw my disc in the garbage the moment I left. And as I leave that second gallery, I try to walk tall. In an attempt to make myself feel better, I tell myself that he is destined to a life of being an ugly homo, relegated to seedy public bathroom sex. so there!

I hope he gets punched in the face on his way home from work. Really I do

I think Friday was a total bust. I told each person I handed a disc, to "feel free to look at the work and email me with your opinions". But as you all know, no response, IS a response. It's only Monday, so I have to wait a few days before I can assume the worst. I have another appointment with a different gallery curator tomorrow. It is the gallery I want my work in most. I have my fingers crossed, and so should you!!

Oh, and I finally weighed myself again and I lost 6 lbs. I am also a bit more defined! So I have to work twice as hard at my age at keeping my body looking good. People say I look great, but how would you feel looking at 9 dolls and their perfectly shaped lithe bodies?

I'll tell you how you'd feel... like a 'Mailbox McGee'.

*the above photo is of my beautiful doll Tatyana, she is from www.anatomicaldoll.com

the proverbial balls are on on the line...

2010-07-22T20:35:00.016-04:00

Yeah, I know it's not a new nakey pic of me... so sue me. I am working on it! I have indeed been exercising on a daily basis (okay, so I skipped a few days. Fine, five days to be exact) but in my defense, I couldn't exercise those days- I had no desire! So I have been working out, but NOT dieting. Needless to say, little has changed since the last blog entry. But yesterday, I began to diet in addition to the exercise. I am sure my body will go through a change over the next week, as my daily caloric intake will be halved! So I'll do some self portraits in a week and post them. I promise.

Now, on to my fantom nut sac, which lays delightfully on the line...

I have had it.

As an artist, I am drawn to galleries. Today after a great lunch with my Mom, I decided to swing by the West Side and do a "gallery day" by myself. I generally find great inspiration from other artists' work. But today, I was inspired beyond my wildest dreams.

Lemmie' explain... After the dullest gallery visit EVER with the most banal photos I have seen in a gallery (the series was called "the edge of somewhere", I just call them "boring shit"). I saw a Gallery and in it's window was a photo of several nude women intertwined into a mess of boobies and limbs. Needless to say, I went in. The first photo I notice inside is a 4'x5' black and white photograph, of a semi deflated blow up doll cascading down a staircase... and there it is. This picture just makes me snap.

in a bad way.

I wanted to cry.

WARNING: the following is a full on bitch rant!!!
I thought the picture was marginal at best, but some would absolutely feel the same way about my work. In fact, people I consider friends find my work BELOW average. I certainly don't consider them "good" friends because of it! So yeah, there it is. This big ass picture of a blow up doll hanging in a posh NYC gallery. Really? And the artist did the series this year? How fucking LAME is that. Blow up dolls have been done to death. All who have shot love dolls in the same manner as me, since my inception as a doll photographer have done just that. They followed... This may all have come off as bitchy, but I believe in my work. Because If not me, than who?

And that's inspiration for ya'... That one photo caused me to go into several galleries and talk to a lot of curators. And happily, I have an appointment with one of them tomorrow to show my work and discuss it with them. I am a bit nervous, but I am prepared for what ever fate my fantom coin purse may suffer! Bring on the pain!!!!

So there you have it, inspiration from a single photo, hung in the right place at the right time. Sometimes all you need is a push... even if that push comes from a half filled blow up doll.

*The above photos are of my man meat, Devon. He has a big beautiful penis, doesn't he? Notice his balls aren't on the line!

hello...

2010-07-04T11:20:00.003-04:00

is there anybody out there?

just nod if you can hear me...

*The above pics are some self portraits (and I use the term portraits lightly here). They are the "before" pictures to my soon to be "after" pictures. The "after" shots will follow in about two or three weeks of DAILY exercise. We shall see...

weenus part deux...

2010-05-25T00:18:00.004-04:00

*the above pic is my male head Devon, showing off his goods!

weenus...

2010-05-23T16:01:00.005-04:00

;)

*the above pic is my Realdoll 2 man meat, with a head I named Devon (thanks to Kedra!)

A spark!

2010-05-18T11:40:00.004-04:00

My male doll is sorely ignored.

I don't know... he didn't posses the "muse spark" that other dolls have had before him. At the request of somebody I know, I bought an auburn wig and added a spray of freckles to the factory face, "Nate". And suddenly...

*poof*

A twink, caused a spark!

*the above pic is a Realdoll2 Nate face on a body B. He is so cute!

after... the laughter

2010-05-17T00:40:00.003-04:00

It's no secret I love dolls.

So to bring the smile back to my face I actually purchased a life size doll just for the fuck of it. You've seen her here before. I have no affiliation with the doll company, so you won't be seeing my photos on their website (besides the owners son is a professional photographer). She is a "Lillith" doll, from www.Ruby13.net and I bought her in January while my world was crumbling around me. Retail therapy helps, and anybody who says otherwise is an asshole. So I bought the doll and she is my number two favorite.

her name is Heather, ya' know...

In case you were wondering who my favorite is, my "top doll"... her name is Kristin (named after somebody very special to me) and she is a Realdoll 2.

I.
Love.
Her.
Face.

Oh, and her boobs. I love her boobs too.

*hugs!

and then came the heartbreak...

2010-05-17T00:10:00.007-04:00

I can't keep every relationship stable! I try, but if I am taken advantage of and I feel used- I get... how do you say it?

Feisty.

Unfortunately, the manufacturer of a specific doll company and I are done for. It ended in an ugly way, I might add. They have done me WRONG several times since the induction of their own company. But in true Stacy fashion, I don't care about the loss of people I thought were friends. I did all I can to help them with beautiful photos of their dolls, and in the end they treated me like the enemy when I wasn't. I suppose when you have a lot of foes such as the doll manufacturer did, you tend to always act in defense... but sometimes, you attack the wrong people. I love dolls, but I refuse to deal with the manufacturer anymore. I would have given them photos until the end of time, but they treated me like shit. They took, and took, and took, and took, and took.....

and took and took....

and I let them.

Anyway, these are the only two photos ever taken of the doll by me. What upsets me most, is I have always wanted a hot Black doll. It's been my "doll photographers dream" for a very long time. And here she is, unable to be seen through my eyes (other than these two pictures) because the company doesn't deserve anything more from me. They have extracted all I have to give, including my $3800 that they have yet to refund!

rotten apples!

Anywhoo here are the doll pics, sad I know. Because she is a good looking doll. Oh well, sometimes life has sad outcomes. This is one of them.

*one of the above dolls causes painful memories for me. The other is less realistic, but super pretty. Bah fucking humbug. Why must some people suck so badly?

The above two photos may not be used or reproduced IN ANY WAY, shape or form. All copyrights are sole property of me, Stacy Leigh.

And yeah, Realdolls ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm Creme De La Mer...

2010-05-03T00:21:00.006-04:00

You're Vaseline.

...said Abyss to Knighthorse!

I really dislike unethical people, but this time Karma was watching. Thank you Karma, I owe you one.

*the above pics are of pornstar Alektra if she were a life sized fuck doll. Wait, there's a bad pun in there somewhere!

Tits McGee...

2010-04-19T21:45:00.010-04:00

nice rack.

*the above photo is my Realdoll 2 body, being two faced... literally.

The non-negotiator...

2010-04-15T11:57:00.003-04:00

Please tell me, did you ever fuck up the chance to get payed the maximum amount of money for a job well done? Somehow, I managed to non-negotiate my way to low pay for a LOT of work! I did a freelance campaign for a very large company, and didn't know how to get myself payed the maximum. That my friends is a lesson learned! Next time, I will make my husband do the contract for me. I won't tell you how many days I worked on this campaign, but I I gave up a LOT of my time. The ads are a HUGE hit, they've told me via email several times now.

So, I have my passive aggressive way of doing things (usually I am PAINFULLY direct, but when dealing with clients I tend to play softball) and after submitting my work to said company. I sent an invoice, that read:

studio rental....................$1000. per day

This way, the company was aware that I severely undercharged them. I never charged them for my photographers fee or the retouching fee... My guess is they will never hire me again! That's okay, because the truth is....

they can't afford me!

Really they can't, because the work was so tedious and annoying that I will charge a phenomenal amount should they contact me again.

*the above photo is a Realdoll2 ass, go kiss it!

The antithetical...

2010-04-12T15:20:00.009-04:00

Lately things are beyond amazing. Everything is super fantastic and I am wondering why life took a huge turn in the opposite direction. I feel less "emotionally infectious", and therefore much more social. Being anti social has it benefits too ya' know! I have embraced the paintbrush once again, so that's good. I've actually been repainting those little fashion dolls and making some dough selling them. My husband is OVERLY encouraging, for whatever reason- he just loves those little dolls and actually prefers them to the big dolls. He thinks it's adorable when I paint them, he often comes over just to kiss the top of my head. Insanity!!!! I don't know what the lure is for him, but if he's happy- I'm happy!!!! I'm not going to lie, It's fun. I create a tiny persona and paint them into a 16" vinyl doll. Not as socially acceptable as photography when considering it an art form... but it is art. And it is DIFFICULT! Those faces are teensy. BUT... I need to shoot some fashion. I have a head full of creative juices and no outlet for it.

That can't be a good thing!

*the above doll is the closest thing I have to a fashion model out of my 10 life sized dolls. I am really glad I have her, because she's about to work. She's from www.AnatomicalDoll.com

My Twitter is in the Shitter...

2010-04-09T08:41:00.006-04:00

...and yet I seem to manage a new follower every day.

I don't get the lure of Twitter. I tried it and it felt too high maintenance for me. I am more the Facebook type if I have to choose. I think Twitter is best reserved for celebrities to better expose their defunct morale...

Much in the same way I use my blog!

i keed, i keed.

But seriously, I hate Twitter.

*the above photo is the newest face from BoyToy named Harmony, you can buy her at www.BoyToyDolls.com

Helmut was here...

2010-03-14T19:22:00.004-04:00

I had one of those moments that a fellow photographer will really appreciate...

I shot the exact same subject matter (Realdolls), in the exact same place Helmut Newton had shot Realdolls several years ago. While I was squatting and pressing the shutter, it dawned on me. He probably stood where I was standing. I swear, like the true nerdy bitch that I am, I cried a little. It was an awesome experience, and it meant a lot to me. I was in San Diego and I shot dolls for four days, and not once did I remove Helmut from my thoughts.

He was so fucking amazing.

*the above doll is the Jessica Drake licensed Realdoll, the likeness is spot on... she looks totally alive, and totally sexy

and all that jazz...

2010-02-19T12:46:00.011-05:00

I know.

I'm sorry.

I stopped caring about EVERYTHING...

Over the past few months, I walked the black dog. I circled the block until my soles were sore. But I'm gonna' say that I learned a lot over that time, as life has made a complete ass of me! Personally, I hope you never know the feeling. Most of what has gone on in my life, I am not allowed to discuss. I will say that EVERYTHING has changed. Yup. Everything. Some good, some bad... but make no mistake, my life is totally different now.

So here is what I can talk about, because it's exclusive to my existence... I kinda' put photographing humans on the back burner indefinitely. I am ashamed of that! But, I haven't even bought a fashion magazine in about 4 months. For me, the photography in most fashion editorials, is no longer some thing I covet. I am bored by it all. Sorry to say it, but it's true. The good news is, I picked up a paintbrush! I continued to photograph my dolls, but literally stopped shooting people for a few months now. Last time I shot a person, it was warm outside. Seriously! The last two photo shoots I had scheduled with models were VERY important to me and both models canceled an hour before the shoot was scheduled to begin. I was seriously disappointed. At the time I decided "fuck it", why bother with them? I have something to satiate my appetite for creativity, I have...

Dolls!!!!!

So I have been farting around with big dolls, little dolls, paintbrushes and cameras. And I have been having a blast! But the truth is I am ready to integrate some humans into the mix again. That means I have to be social again. But I am rusty at dealing with perfectly formed humans, and my nerves twist at the thought of it all...

Soon, I swear.

and like a warm blanket...

big hugs, because I missed you like a long lost relative!
:P
stacy

*the above photos are, in order: Realdoll2, BoyToy2, The male Realdoll, and a Lillith doll (available at www.Ruby13.net )

To my seasonal boyfriends...

2010-01-10T22:15:00.005-05:00

...all 53 of you.

I love you and I am so happy you made it to the playoffs. The last two New York Jet games were played against my friend Chip Willis's favorite team, the Bengals. I'll be honest, I thought about him during the ENTIRE game. Never was a win so bitter sweet for me, because I adore Chip so much.

Sorry Chip, maybe next year.

xoxo
Stacy

*the above photo was the 1st place winning photo, in an Ashton Drake contest that I entered. The contest was all about being creative!! The first place prize was $1000. I am so honored that they chose my photo of my one of a kind doll, whose face I painted and made the outfit for. Here is the link for the contest if you're interested in checking it out:

http://www.delilahnoir.com/Articles.asp?ID=148

ps. J-E-T-S jets jets jets!!!!!!!!

a day, a week, a month, a year...

2009-12-17T02:29:00.007-05:00

A Day:

A little over a day ago I watched my all time favorite movie, "Requiem For a Dream" for perhaps my 60th time. I kid you not. This movie was filmed in the neighborhood where my high school friend David lived (he has been discussed in length here on my blog, I hope you remember who I am talking about!). Oddly this movie mirrored his life, and I am not sure we even knew or met the director Darren Aronofsky when we were younger. It's kind of weird how many people in Brooklyn have a simular story about a brother, or friend, or father. The movie's main character, Harry's life happened to be a pretty accurate depiction of David's plight, with a worse outcome for David. The movie brought me to tears... again.

A Week:

The last time I got layed was a little over a week ago. I had to do some doll shoots for Realdolls Christmas promo as well as for some new wigs they sent me- and that damn doll is starting to look pretty good to me!!!! My husband needs to stop stressing about the stock market so much so that he isn't even horned up!!!!! What the fuck. Isn't sex a stress reliever anyway? I'll tell him it is, regardless of whether it is or not!. I plan on attacking him on Friday- there will be NO EXCUSES!
:wink:

A Month:

A little over a month ago (about a week after I made my last blog entry) I found out my Dad has read my blog. Hearing those words utter from his mouth was like my worst nightmare ever. Time literally came to a halt and the whole thing seemed to be happening in slow motion. I didn't even hear a word my father said- only that he has seen my blog. I do recall seeing his head shake in dismay. It was AWFUL! To make matters worse, my husband jumped on the bandwagon!!! He prefaced his lecture with, "I told you so"! The whole thing was funny... well it was funny because I started laughing. I mean come on! I am 38 friggin years old, get over it. I laughed because the first thing that came to my mind, was the blog entry: "Olives in Your Anus". I envisioned my father reading it and I literally became sick to my stomach over the thought of it. I swear to you all, the blog almost died right then and there. But today I decided, fuck it. I am an adult, and if my Dad doesn't like my blog, he does not have to read it (sorry dad, if your reading this!).

A Year:

One year and fifteen days ago, I had my life changing experience. So much has changed from the day I had my stroke, and not all of it was for the better. I have become more of a recluse than ever before. But I still go out with the hubby. We have been seeing Broadway shows, going to out to dinner, movies and taking road trips! But as for my friends, I miss them. I sometimes wish someone would come here and pull me out of the house by my hair. I swear I will change this anti social bullshit any day now, as my husband is off from work for almost two weeks starting Friday... and he will help me to feel normal and relatively sociable again. He is perfect like that and I love him for it.

*the above photo is Tripp in his new wig. The lack of sex with my husband is making Tripp an appealing alternative... I better get some booty this Friday or Tripp is gonna' work.

Nurse Ratchett...

2009-10-31T02:44:00.004-04:00

if she were 16" tall and made of resin...

Happy Halloween you guys!!!!!!! (it's my favorite holiday and my husbands least favorite holiday... it figures)

*the above photos are of my evil Sybarite Seville, the victim is Alex from Madame Alexander. Somebody was a fashion victim and it sure wasn't Seville!

From Russia with love...

2009-10-29T20:31:00.008-04:00

I am still stuck in Funky Town.

But Tatiana is a great (although fleeting) pick me up! Please enjoy looking at pics of the tallest doll I own. She is 5'9" and she is built like a Victoria Secret model. She is based on an actual woman, who is obviously STUNNING beyond words.

Anywhoo, I am feeling worlds better and I can sense the one way train out of funky town should be arriving any minute now....

...if somebody could just tell me where the station is.

*the above photos are of Russias first Love Doll! She is an Anatomical doll, feel free to buy one of your own at-

www.anatomicaldoll.com

hugs!
Stacy

Some of the greatest people I've ever met...

2009-10-22T03:04:00.008-04:00

...came by way of the internet.

-JMG
-Chip
-Sinem
-Ami
-and 28.3% of the doll people (5% of which are in the top percentile of my love- you know who you are)

I owe some phone calls or something.

*the above photo is a Realdoll 2 "Aimee" face that I have decided to name Angela. I went to junior high school with two Italian sisters- one of them was named Angela and the other was Nina (both of whom I have re-connected with on Facebook... yay Facebook!!). Angela and I never got along, but she was gorgeous never the less. It's strange because Nina and I were the best of friends. Anyway this dolls face reminds me of Angela hence the name...

Sadly the next doll to arrive will not be named Nina (but I will use that name eventually too!).

She will be appropriately named Tatyana. She is from Russia's very first Silicone doll company, "Anatomical Doll" and she is due to arrive here any day now...

yipeeee!!!!!!!!!

The dolls just keep showing up...

2009-10-18T23:23:00.007-04:00

This is a Realdoll 2, I have named her Gianna. These photos are for the Realdoll website.

I haven't much else to say...

just give me a couple of days to officially check out of "Funky Town". In the meantime, please take the liberty to enjoy looking at the pretty pictures.

*I am a sullen to say the least, can you just sense the stink in my musings? I suck right now. Emotionally that is.

The life of a Sybarite...

2009-09-30T00:44:00.005-04:00

...only without the socializing.

I miss my sanity!

*the above photo is a 16" resin ball jointed doll from The UK. They are called Sybarites and I am a little obsessed.

no limits...

2009-09-19T11:24:00.005-04:00

Holy shit you guys!!!!!!!!!!!

This was the toughest shoot I have ever done in my life. Hands down. Forty five minutes for one fucking pose and his dick kept "popping" out of her!!! Literally making a noise each time... the whole thing almost brought me to tears.

Almost.

Mostly it was was the hottest thing I ever shot. And when I finally finished at 4:18 am, I had a good mind to wake my husband up for some "La Sexa". Unfortunately it was Thursday night, and he had a morning meeting within hours. Anyway, there are 23 photos of pure smut. I am a pig, and I am slightly embarrassed at just how porn these last few shoots have become. What gives?

oh well.

*the above photo is one frame out of many. It's Tripp and Koko making a connection of sorts. How cute! More to follow...

Empire State of Mind...

2009-09-16T12:10:00.009-04:00

Yeah, I'm up at Brooklyn,
Now I'm in TriBeCa,
Right next to DeNiro,
But I'll be hood forever...

I am feelin' you Jay-Z.

*the above photo is "Man Meat Justin" and he is such a cutie! I am also REALLY looking forward to my other male doll arriving from Lovable Dolls. I can imagine the possibilities... photographically speaking, that is.

Fun with toys...

2009-09-11T01:50:00.014-04:00

yep.

This is Justin in:

"It'll be worth the money"

I swear I wish I had more hours in a day...

I am a pervert... I know. But I figured you would all want to see "more" of my man-hussy's body. I have to tell you a few things about this doll, because some details really are worth mentioning:
His nipples are awesome. They are a different silicone than the rest of him- so they are SERIOUSLY close feeling to the real thing. Which is freeking awesome, because I am not allowed to mess around with the hubby's nipples. He tells me it's annoying. I like it, but that's just me. So yeah, I totally get to fuck around with the dolls nips, and he doesn't shoo' my hand away at all!!!!

Next up the weenie:
UM, HUGE. Too big for me to even consider. I am 5'2" and I cannot have my eye poked out during masturbation. How unhealthy is that thought? Gross. Okay, so the penis feels (to the touch) uber realistic. Like creepy real. The shaft has a firm bone inside and a soft "skin like" outer shell. I know using the word shell is odd, but how the hell else can I describe a dolls dick? Cut me some slack! This is hilarious to type out verbatim! Anyway, the balls are no less realistic than the shaft- each teste has a cute feeling nut inside. The balls are more firm than I would like them to be, but a softer squishier silicone would stretch out over time, and eventually the inner ball would find it's way to the floor. Not a pretty sight, but I do LOVE danglers. And by danglers I mean testicles that have some swing to them. I find that sexy, but I doubt that is ever obtainable on a doll.

I will say, overall I find this doll amazing. I LOVE the full head system the male doll has (instead of just changing the face you change the entire head) and wish that Realdoll would switch over to full heads on all of their dolls. It really adds dimension to the realism and also makes for better looking ponytails and more hairstyle possibilities!

Well, I am tired and must hit the hay. And once again, stay tuned... there are MORE pics to follow (and because you just have to see how cute Justin looks as a blonde)

Hugs and kisses,
Stacy

*the above photos are of the new boy Justin, and a very hot prospect Laurie. Both are available at Realdoll.com

My "Hunk O' Hussy Man Meat"...

2009-09-09T19:13:00.017-04:00

After months of anticipation, Realdoll had finally re-invented the wheel (they discontinued the original Charlie doll)... and they have done a wonderful job. They have produced their new generation of sex dolls- the Realdoll 2. And thankfully the male doll has undergone some SERIOUS "plastic surgery" (yes, corny pun intended). He is awesome and I am still unfamiliar with his posing abilities (which seem to be superior to the older Realdoll. I will give details in another post accompanied with some new photos.

Whelp, my boydoll arrived late this afternoon! He is a twink body 1 RD2 with the MIchael head, and his alternate- the Nick head. My male doll is bi-sexual, it makes it easier to change his look. I want to show him in every possible style I am able to accommodate, right down to a drag queen! Oh yes, I will turn him into something FABULOUS! Just watch me. He will have many torrid affairs with competitors dolls and any other rubber thing that isn't nailed down. This doll is a "tingly dick" for sure.

Anyway without further a du, may I present to you my first male hussy (can you just hear the faint drum roll in the distance?):

meet, "Tripp" (the Michael head)

*the above photos are just the tip of the iceberg... you can order your own @ www.Realdoll.com

stay tuned!!!!!!!

That night when Koko loved Nikki...

2009-08-26T11:44:00.010-04:00

My master critique was beyond perfection. Mary Ellen Mark (as well as the ten or so other students) absolutely loved my doll work. Mary Ellen had not one negative thing to say to me. Okay- well there was the one thing:

"Don't let people know you actually like the dolls, treat it as though it were a conceptual art project".

The truth is, I always do when pitching my work- but I am sure my eyes light up with a unique twinkle the moment I mention those damn slabs of silicone! My Mary Ellen Mark review was SO good, that she promised me the moon. But I guess she forgot, because I never heard back from her. During the critique with my forty chosen photos lined up on the table- she called all of her assistants in, as well as her business partner (they have a film company named 'Green Films' or something like that). They all gushed over how awesome my lighting is, my use of colors and my general creativity. It was quite an ego boost! They all loved the dolls of course- and really, who wouldn't?

Oh well, So nothing came of it. I will throw her into the same category as Taschen, HBO, Howard Stern and now, Mary Ellen Mark. It's the compartment in my mind entitled, "Disappointed".

Sometimes people feed your head with all this great stuff about your work, and it does serve to empower you as an artist. It helps you to move forward and not give up, especially when you question yourself and your talent. So in a sense, I did get my money worth... But I would have rather she had given me the email to the publisher she knows- like she said she would. She even told me to use her name in the subject line. I think her assistant was the actual roadblock, at least that's what I want to think.

So in honor of art and erotica in art, I have created this shoot aptly titled:

"That night Koko loved Nikki"

*the above photos are of my two 4Woods dolls. They are the AINeo and Evolution bodies with the Mia and Elina heads... But I call them Nikki and Koko. Obviously.

So fucking gorgeous.

:)
Stacy

Master Critique...

2009-07-24T22:43:00.016-04:00

...with Mary Ellen Mark.

Two days at her studio in SoHo, an 8 minute walk from my house that will be spent building up my nerves. It's tomorrow, and Sunday from 10:00 am to 5:00 pm. I'm seriously shitting pills. I wonder how she'll react to my work. I wonder how many other people are attending. I wonder if I'll leave disenfranchised or empowered.

Whatever the outcome, I'm sure I will get my money's worth.

*the above photos were taken on my puny 4 day trip to London. The cool effect in the first photo is NOT photoshop, it is the sun breaking through the clouds. It was a beautiful act of nature... I was just lucky enough to be there and photograph it. Anyway, I can assure you that 4 days in England is not NEARLY enough time. I owe my friend Everhard a lunch, a hug, and deep apologies. I am looking forward to a longer visit where I can see the countryside... I loved London.

I mean I REALLY loved London.

: )

Butter Crunch Cookies....

2009-07-18T12:43:00.005-04:00

...on a caviar budget.

Four days in London. Tokyo in August. Male doll soon. Old friends. Energy drinks.

Life is fucking sweet sometimes.

*the above photo is Kess.

*the below photo is butter crunch cookies that were sold for less than a $1 when I was in high school. If you grew up in the city, you know all about these little three packs of happyness! (the cookie photo was NOT shot by me, I lifted it off of the web... sorry!)

Fantom Magazine...

2009-07-17T10:44:00.009-04:00

Massimo Torrigianni, Thank you my friend!

I am very excited about Fantom Magazine. Over the past couple of years I have had my work published in several magazines- some gave me photo credit, some did not. To date my favorite was a a magazine named Lifelounge (my first and only cover thus far), then came Park Magazine from France, a beautiful magazine that did a story on my doll photography. There were other magazines that had my photos grace their pages like Jolie, Penthouse, Bizarre, MissBehave (they used my photos without permission and they didn't give me photo credits. I won't even mention that they never answered my subsequent email either!!!). But to me Fantom is a step above because it is all about Art.

And without Art, I would surely die

I am a member of MOMA, I go to gallery's for fun, I am a budding art collector (most recently with Sas Christian in my cross-hairs) and most important of all, I am an artist. It goes beyond my photography, but photography is my true love. So when I was contacted by Mr. Torrigianni to contribute to Fantom Magazine, I was flattered and excited all at once. I am glad the magazine came to fruition, as I am always worried about these things falling through- especially after I was disappointed by HBO.

You've gotta' manage expectations when you are a photographer! Shit falls through a' plenty!

Anyway, Fantom Magazine made it's debut at Milan Fashion Week, and did so with a wonderful reception!!! It is now doing the same here in New York City and New York Times coveted "T" magazine had something to say about it...

For the magazine this is fantastic. For me it's really great too except "T" misspelled my name. That is so very stacy leigh... get a mention in "T", but they misspell my damn name! I look forward to seeing the issue in my hands. From what I remember it is a hard cover limited edition quarterly, and I am sure it is gorgeous.

Bravo Fantom!!

*the top photo is my 4Woods Doll, Nikki. The bottom photo is a screen capture of the "T" mention... awesome!

"Tingly Dicks" and other phenomenons found in nature...

2009-07-14T22:43:00.015-04:00

Trust me, you either know a tingly dick or you are one.

My husband has a friend that is over 30 and a single guy. He is the type of single guy that you would prefer your husband NOT spend any time with. But it is what it is, and I won't fight it. My husband likes this guy and has played golf with him a lot lately. I will have to be a nice wifey and let it be. You see my husband is a somewhat reformed tingly dick himself.

Still confuzzeled? Let me explain...

A tingly dick is a guy (or a girl for that matter) who sees an attractive person, and gets a sudden and often overwhelming "tingle" in the tip of their dick causing immediate brain damage from loss of blood to the head. For example: My husband and I were walking in the meat packing district and saw a girl wearing what would be considered a belt in most countries- as a dress. My husband, took one look at this hottie and walked into a 10 foot high pile of garbage. He LITERALLY fell into the trash! This, my friends- is the action of a bona fide tingly dick.

So his new friend happens to be a bachelor, and happens to also be a tingly dick. Needless to say I am less than thrilled about it. So what's my response to this problem...

Set him up with a friend.

Chances are nothing will come of it, but she is a fellow female tingly dick! And two tingly dicks together equal a positive... or something like that. Just look at my husband and me- it works for us!!

*the above photo is a snapshot of one of my 12" anatomically correct dolls, he is unnamed and judging from his wicked smile- he too is clearly a tingly dick...

P.S. Mihailo, Thank you for asking about my health! My heart health is now excellent! I officially had what is known as a PFO- it was medium sized, and it is now filled with a device to prevent any future strokes or heart attacks...xo

The first Indian/Bollywood lovedoll...

2009-06-09T23:36:00.013-04:00

...and she is all mine!!!!!

Seriously though, she is the first intentionally created Indian/Bollywood doll. Many moons ago, I saw a movie called Kama Sutra. It was a film directed by an Indian woman, which at the time was rare. The story was full bodied, and had all the elements to hold ones interest. I really enjoyed every moment of the film and would watch it again if I still had the disc. Anyway, the story had two lead female rolls- one was named Maya and the other was named Tara. The women were gorgeous and the characters stuck in my mind more than a decade later. That would explain why I have now officially used both of these names for two of my dolls.

So here is more of the uber sexy, Tara:

*yep- the above photo is my new LovableDoll, Tara... showing her little pink hole!!!!! what a slut!

anyway, you can buy her at www.LovableDolls.com

Carrie Leigh's Nude...

2009-06-08T16:55:00.013-04:00

...doesn't want these photos (available in B&W or color!!), or anything I've shot for that matter!!!

I've got to show them to somebody... so I thought here would be as good a place as any.

"L'Interaction"

*the above photos are of my Realdoll Shane and her encounter with my 4Woods doll, Nomi.

I am not the typical woman...

2009-06-06T10:09:00.004-04:00

If you know me, than you know I drag my husband kicking and screaming to the AVN in January every year. I couldn't give two shits about my husband watching porn... In fact, I encourage it. I have models flash him when they are in the midst of a photo shoot. Think I give a crap that he watches porn? That my friends, is laughable.

I am not the jealous type.

I am not the typical woman...

*the above photo is me, shot by my friend Chip Willis a couple of years ago.

my husband is a fucking liar...

2009-06-01T22:31:00.003-04:00

...and savanna samson is an ugly old washed up whore, maybe they can go get married and get some sexually transmitted diseases together.

Fucking assholes.

*the above photo is Ami, she's pretty... savanna isn't

after midnight...

2009-05-29T01:07:00.006-04:00

Today is the big day.

I am anxious and ready to be done with it.

I am grossed out about being awake for it.

I have never met the surgeon.

I have never spent the night in a hospital.

gross.

but I'll get over it.

I already miss sleeping with my stupid cat and husband and I haven't even left the house yet.

I'll be okay...

just you wait and see.

*the above photo is Realdoll Tiffany, a body7/face11 inspired by Lady GaGa and my husbands unwavering love for her...

Lap Whore...

2009-04-29T10:24:00.002-04:00

need I say more?

*the above pic is of my cat Mikey and his doll Suki

Anti Matter...

2009-04-27T23:06:00.006-04:00

I am.

I have a new doll on the way. She is my first Black doll with a lovely head I've named Monica and an alternate head (that is an Indian/Bollywood head) whom I've named Tara.

I have to tell you, I haven't shot any people lately. Initially I wanted to wait until after my heart surgery because I won't be able to lift the dolls for the four months following the surgery (my husband will help me out thankfully). I figured during that time, I would concentrate mostly on shooting humans. Until then- it was to be all dolls all the time. Basically take advantage of my strength while I've still got some! But now I am starting to feel my depression lift and I find the need to have somebody stunning (and breathing) in front of my camera. I am going to call on my two favorite models, and ask them to shoot with me (separately).

One is the stunning Ami. You've seen her photo here a bunch of times. I am enamoured with that womans natural beauty. Her face is Swedish perfection and she is a wonderful person to boot. The other model is Cristi (pictured above). I adore her. Gorgeous, lithe and dangerously intelligent, I love to photograph her. She is edgy and fashion all at once and lest I forget, sexy as hell...

* (in my best old timey gangster accent) the above photo is Cristi smoking all seductive like, see.

Me, Myself and I...

2009-04-18T23:18:00.011-04:00

Took an impromptu trip to Miami with the husband last week... Had a kick ass, sex filled time.

I am supposed to get a big spread (about 6 pages) in a new art photography magazine based out of Milan and NYC. I don't want to jinx it, so I will tell you more about it as it gets closer to being released.

I don't have too much to say. Truth is I am having a bout with depression. Fear not, my sanity will be back soon...

*the above photo is Maya and Pricilla (a Realdoll and a BoyToy Doll) getting busy!

Realdolls...

2009-04-08T01:25:00.005-04:00

...are so adorable!

*the above photo is of Realdolls Hana (who has left us for a man in Connecticut), and Daniela.

le fumeur...

2009-04-06T00:31:00.008-04:00

This isn't the first realdoll that's taken up smoking... But she may be the sexiest.

As an aside, big hugs and kisses to Davecat!

*the above composite is Maya a Body7/face2 Realdoll

Heartless...

2009-04-03T11:33:00.006-04:00

I am not...

But I am going to be fine (yay!). My heart will get fixed on May 22nd, that's a long way off. So if the Doctors don't think it's an emergency than I must be okay!!!! The reason my right ventricle is enlarged, is because of the hole in my heart. As it turns out, I was born this way and just never knew it. The only issue that is residual from this defect, is because I didn't fix it when I was a child- my life span will be shorter. Big frickin' deal, to me it's just one more reason to embrace each day.

Knowing is half the battle!!!!!

I am so fucking happy about everything, I don't even care that I have to have some minor heart surgery. Bring it.

*the above photo is my doll Suki, and she is heartless...much to my chagrin.

I'm bringing sexy back.....

2009-03-30T00:52:00.003-04:00

I missed being lighthearted.

Something clicked inside of me today. I had a very personal moment with myself and now I feel the need to cheer the fuck up.

*the above photo is Suki, my favorite doll..........for now

Comfortably numb...

2009-03-28T09:23:00.014-04:00

I want to thank all of you who have left comments on my previous blog. You all have no idea how nice it is. Seriously, thank you.

So, I've had my moments but I am strong. And in the end I will be fine.

Here's what I know thus far: I have been misdiagnosed once already, but now know that I have a medium sized hole in my heart. The teensy blood clot that caused my TIA stroke probably traveled through the hole- up to my brain and into the right side somewhere. That was life's little warning for me. I think it was the best possible outcome (if your gonna' have a stroke, that is!). They will close up the hole through surgery.

gross.

I also have a slightly enlarged right ventricle which I am more concerned about than the hole in my heart. The right ventricle of the heart pumps blood to the lungs. Conversely the left side pumps blood to the rest of the body. That spooks me quite a bit because an enlarged right ventricle is often caused by an underlying disease. Most of those diseases are fatal.

Wish me luck.

I am nervous to find out the results of the most recent barrage of tests. I find out more this coming Tuesday....I can assure you the worse the news is- the longer it will take me to post about it here. It's been taking me a bit of time to adjust to this new chapter in my life, a disease would be a tough pill to swallow....but so is life.

Now I want to talk about something that has secretly been freaking me out....

When you face your own mortality, you go through some odd emotions. I began to google all of my old friends, some I have mentioned here and some I have not.

One friend in-particular was Patty. She and I shared the same birthday (September 10th) and were in the same homeroom but different grades. When I met Patty I was already in my 2nd year of high school. David (whom I've mentioned before) and I were already best friends since the summer before I turned 13. David went to a different high school than Patty and I did, but we all became fast friends. It didn't take long before we would become completely inseparable. The Three Muskateers to the end!!!!!

But Patty simply woke up one day (she was 19 and I was 20) and decided she was done with me. Our friendship ended for no reason. None. I still wonder to this day, why she turned on me. I never did or said anything to hurt Patty, I loved her. I honestly think she became jealous of me. Anyway, David and I remained friends for a few years longer, as I watched him helplessly throw his life away to heroin.

Well, I googled Patty first and found her name on FaceBook. I thought to myself, maybe she actually did become a lawyer and that she was married with kids or something. I quickly reactivated my account and clicked on her link. What I read was heart breaking. She had passed away in 2002 at 29 years old. I searched the internet for any information on her that I could find, but there was none. I later found out she too had starting shooting heroin and subsequently died because of her lifestyle. I will never know the whole story, only that she threw her beautiful life away and I was very sad to learn of it.

Next I googled David. He had been trying to contact me since we last spoke on September 13th 2001. He had called from Malta to make sure I was okay after 9/11. I told him I was engaged and a stockbroker, and he was really happy for me. He wasn't as fortunate as me. His life was still a mess. I hung up and knew we'd never be friends again. In 2006 I started receiving emails from various websites that David was searching for me...but I couldn't look back. I was at a beautiful place in my life.

Anyway, I searched his last name on Facebook just as I had done with Patty. I found his youngest brother Darren. I wrote Darren a note and requested his friendship. Here is the initial exchange:

Needless to say, I broke down and spent the whole day crying on and off. So sad. God I loved that kid. I loved him like he was my blood. He will forever be missed and mourned by me.

So there you have it.

They are both dead.

*the above photo is Patty, David, and me at the Lincoln High School Prom (I'm the midget on the right with my eyes closed). I didn't attend Lincoln anymore, I transferred to private school. David was the only guy at the prom with two dates. He was so fucking adorable...all flossy! He rented a Limo and bought both Patty and me flowers. Good times.

R.I.P.

Emotionally frail, like a child....

2009-03-11T09:59:00.007-04:00

Fuck.

My health is not great right now. I will write more when I can...right now I am a hot mess. The bad news is about my heart. I could live with a bad heart for awhile, or I could die any second...who knows. The heart is weird like that. That is a fact. My heart caused my stroke. That too is a fact. I might need heart surgery...that remains to be seen.

Please understand I am scared, but I will adjust.

with love,
Stacy

*the above photo is me photographing Daniela V., this pic was shot almost a year ago in much happier and less frightening times.

The opposite of garbage dick (or, 'Why Retouching is king')...

2009-02-18T13:47:00.016-05:00

I recently recieved an interesting phone call from an interesting person who offered me interesting pay to shoot his two "friends" from Florida. I obliged, thinking I would probably be shooting your average cute Florida chicks. No problem.

Well suffice to say I was a bit perturbed, when I met the girls...it was more than obvious these two were in no way models. But I was going to try and make them look like models. They styled themselves and did their own hair and make up. So, I failed to make them look like models. No biggie. But I am not taking the responsibility on this one. This is NOT a case of garbage dick. This is just me selling my skills/soul to average folk.

*the above before and after is two regular...uh, girls.

This blog post was made for Cristi!!!

retouching sucks...

2009-02-10T03:33:00.007-05:00

...conversely, out-takes rule!!

*the above photo is not yet retouched- that's Cristi, my baby Mikey, and the rubber hussies.

the best!

If I were a dude...

2009-02-08T11:27:00.003-05:00

I would be a garbage dick.

At least that's what my husband calls me. When we walk around the city, I point out attractive girls that I think are do-able (which apparently happens far too often). My hubby agrees with about 1/3 of my picks, and calls me crazy the rest of the time. I don't care if a girl is plump, or short, or skinny and boobless! If she has a pretty face and caries herself well- I'd hit it.

...if I were a dude, that is.

Don't confuse my lax taste for the average female, to be on par with women I would photograph. Those are two totally different worlds!!!

*the above photo is Ami, she is both "photograph-able" and "do-able"

tee hee...

2009-02-04T16:46:00.001-05:00

...it was the sneakers, not my feet after all!

(see post below)

*and once again, the stunning Saglara

I'm Slowly Turning Into You...

2009-02-04T14:03:00.000-05:00

Isn't it funny how the longer you're with someone, the more you start to pick up each others traits.

My socks smelled like my husbands toes after a shoot yesterday.

That is fucking disturbing.

Have you ever smelled my husband's toes? Not good, people. There are people who actually never take the time to scrub their feet. Now, I'm not saying that it's all men in-particular...but I have noticed a trend amongst most men I've known- to skimp out on this very important step in personal hygiene. Let's just say my husband is from the school of thought that, "the soapy water has to pass over the feet, so they're clean".

I however take overly indulgent showers- taking extra caution to scrub in between each individual toe with a washcloth!!! So you see, my feet should smell like daisies- not like my hubby's feet!

Sorry I didn't post for awhile, I think from now on, when there has been a period of time where life is dull and consists of little more then dinner out and some over due retouching...I will post photos or something just to let you all know I am thinkin' bout this blog and those that like to read it!!!

On a side note; an update if you will:

My Husband and I have been together for a long time now. We've been through some rough patches- but in the face of a crisis (the ol' Strokey McGee thing) your relationship strength is challenged. It is then that you learn how important your partnership really is. Since the stroke, my husband and I, have each put 100% into making our marriage stronger. I wish I could bottle the emotions we've gone through together- and our ability to resolve our issues. I am proud that we are both on the same page. I was really worried about my marriage...I'm not now. And why should I?

We fucking rock together.

*the above photo is Saglara. She is a fashion model and therefore she is clothed! I am sorry to disappoint my fellow perverts, but every once in awhile the naughty takes a back seat to beauty. Saglara is stunning. A living doll from Russia.

19...

2009-01-24T21:17:00.000-05:00

she turned last week.

Carolyn that is.

No matter. She is still perfect.

*the above photo is Carolyn.

Las Vegas...

2009-01-16T01:25:00.000-05:00

I don't know about you, but I've always liked Vegas. Spending some of my youth living in California with my mom, introduced me to Las Vegas at an early age. It was the 70's, and my mom would drive us over to Las Vegas from North Hollywood (where we lived at the time). We were broke and we always had a big old crappy car without any air conditioning. It took forever to get there and I remember wishing we had an 8 track instead of the shitty AM radio. The strip sure has changed since then...

Anyway, I went to the AVN and had a blast. There is always a bunch of friends of mine that also attend the AVN. It's quickly becoming a ritual that we meet up there and hang out. It helps that we all have the doll thing in common. I love these people...they mean a lot to me, and they know who they are.

I didn't take any photos of the AVN...but fear not!!!! I sent my husband out on Friday and Saturday with a camera, so there are many photos of porn stars for me to sift through. Every one of the girls he photographed seem sort of obscure to me, but most of them are really hot, so I think he did a great job. Besides he wouldn't recognize anyone famous, even if they were sitting on his lap. Oddly enough, some lesser celebrities attend this thing...I spotted Kid Rock at the entrance with about 40 photographers and fans surrounding him.

While I was in Las Vegas, I had the absolute pleasure of photographing a new model Named Yvette who debuted at the AVN. She is one of the newest dolls on the market, manufactured by a company called Lovable Dolls ( www.LovableDolls.com). She is a knockout and has some amazing details that I have NEVER seen on any doll before. You'll see more of these dolls soon, as the creator is busy at work sculpting and breathing life into clay and then subsequently into silicone. He is really talented and I wish him and his partner (she is very supportive) wild success.

My husbands Vegas Photos to follow...

*the above photo is Yvette, she is a body 1/head 1 from www.LovableDolls.com.

Porn...

2009-01-07T14:10:00.000-05:00

...sure is useful!!!!

Seriously though, porn is a HUGE industry. In fact, if I'm not mistaken it's the fastest growing industry in the United States. So much so, that PayPal members demanded they allow adult transactions. Up until now PayPal (which is owned by Ebay) would not allow the purchase of adult items. That has officially changed. 'bout fuckin' time, huh?

Anywhoo, for three years we have a bit of a ritual around these parts...I am not sure why I haven't mentioned it before- but every January my husband and I attend the Adult Entertainment Expo, in sunny Las Vegas. Seeing as I am a fluffy type chick, I loves' me some Vegas! I could live there easily. Gross. I know. I actually have an aunt and cousin who live in Las Vegas. We don't talk much.

So once again I will be roughing it at a posh hotel in Vegas ogling some SERIOUSLY HOT WOMEN. I will meet my newest client from Japan, and I will order my first Black doll. YES FINALLY! I am excited to add a dark skinned doll to my line up. She is not my ideal when it comes to features. My ideal doll would look like Naomi Campbell or the R&B singer Cassie. I love both of these women and have a profound appreciation for their faces. This doll more closely resembles Leona Lewis or Beyonce. Both very beautiful women, but not my ideal choice. The moment I see a doll that is closer in resemblance to either Naomi or Cassie- I will buy her on the spot!

Well, I have to go do the dreaded packing...I HATE packing, I always forget something important.

*the above photo is Carolyn. She is still 18, and she is still perfect. That is all.

Memories made in the coldest winter...

2009-01-04T20:10:00.000-05:00

Some people see art where others don't. I think these photos are beautiful, my mom thinks they're crap...

...to each their own.

*the above photos are shot from under a plexiglass floor with my i•phone.

Farewell Fucker....

2009-01-02T10:41:00.000-05:00

Au Revoir 2008.

I thought we would have rocked it together, seeing as 8 is my favorite number. Let's not even make mention that 2008 was the year of the pig- which is my Chinese birth sign. Let's just mention the highest high, and the lowest low of 08':

high:
Having a 6 page feature in "Park" magazine about my art.

low:
Joining the "Strokey McGee" club certainly sucked ass.

I am looking forward to seeing what 2009 holds for me and my loved ones. I wish you all the best and a wonderful year ahead. May we all revel in greatness!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*the above photo is Nomi, from 4Woods in Japan.

The best news EVER!!!!!!!!!!

2008-12-20T13:39:00.000-05:00

I am okay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After more tests, they've concluded that I have an abnormally large Arachnoid Granulation on the right side of my brain. I am not going to need brain surgery or die!!! Such a tremendous sigh of relief- contrary to the last few days spent between tests, crying and planning my living will (and death) with my husband (who was THE perfect husband the entire time).

Not fun.

So what does this mean to me and my health?
I'll live dammit!!! That's what the hell it means!!!! But we still don't know what caused my stroke, and why I suffer from some vision distortion in my left eye (maybe an after effect of the stroke itself) and why I get debilitating migraines. Something is wrong- but we will eventually exhaust every test until we find out what has happened and why. Once accomplished, I will beat the piss out of whatever it is.

Because I am strong like that.

When you face the things I have faced in the past few weeks (especially the last few days) you find out just what you are made of. Some people wince and cry in a corner; others get strong and tough. I am pleased to announce that I am the latter of the two. Don't get me wrong- I cried, but I was unafraid to face death. Really. I don't want to die...I was just far less afraid then I thought I would be.

I am alive and doing well (just call me Strokey McGee!!).

Now, to you all who have read my blog, written me and said prayers:
I love you all. Every damn one of you!!!!! A zillion thanks to those who have sent me positive thoughts. I felt them! I swear I did. You have made me feel like if I died, I had at least touched the lives of a few. And believe me, that means a lot when you reflect on your time spent here on earth. I thank you from the bottom of my heart, you are all such beautiful people. xoxo

Well now I'm all mushy, and that's a good time to say thanks again for the prayers....

It worked.

*the above photo is my new doll face Maya, She is a face 2/Tami from Realdoll. I took this photo the night before my MRI/MRA (I did it just in case I couldn't shoot a doll for awhile). Don't count me out just yet!!!

My Epicenter....

2008-12-18T22:30:00.000-05:00

...is broken.

After my MRI and MRA today, I was told I have a blood clot in a vein on the right side of my brain. The doctor debated hospitalizing me, but decided being home is best for tonight. tomorrow in the early morning I will have another test to allow them to look at every vein in my brain. Currently the clot threatens my vision in my left eye...

I am scared shitless.

*the above photo is of me, taken this Monday after my EEG. The Technician was from Romania, and I am OBSESSED with "Vlad The Impaler"...needless to say this photo shows me in a happier space in time.

The day that changed my life...

2008-12-08T07:42:00.000-05:00

A day much like today, except it was a little later in the morning and I was totally clueless that my life was about to change.

Last Tuesday (12/02/08 to be technical) I went to my sink to make a pot of coffee. Without warning, my left arm went wonky. I couldn't feel it. Cold sweats, dizzy, labored breathing- my head felt weird...I had to sit down. Even my bowels became loose. I was terrified and aware of what was happening and trying not to freak out- but I was convinced I was having a stroke.

I was.

The Doctor referred to it as a TIA Stroke or Transient Ischemic Attack. It is a bona-fide stroke, but fortunately it is one that has no lasting effects. My uncle had a major stroke by the time he turned 50. But I am 37. The chances of a reoccurrence within the first month is 4-8%, within the 1st year is 18%. Many people who suffer a TIA stroke, suffer a much larger stroke sometime within their life.

I don't have much to say, as I am totally freaked out and very upset by this. Heart disease runs in my family...I would be lying if I said I wasn't terrified...

I am.

What if I can never press the shutter on a camera? Or lift my dolls for a shoot? Or have a baby? Or live to see 50?

I don't want to die, I'm too young. I have things to do.

*the above photo is of my three dolls. I had four but gave one away, somebody said I would have good Karma. yeah right.

HBO's "Real Sex"...

2008-12-04T12:55:00.000-05:00

They've been talking to me about participating in a segment on silicone love dolls...

Pretty fucking full circle, huh?

After all, that is where I first heard of these beautiful things, known as Realdolls. Who knew a decade later I would be working with a few different doll manufacturers as the premier sex doll photographer.

As as wise man once said:

Life is good...
-Bill

*the above photo is of my newest concubine, Shane. She is the "Stacy" face from Realdoll, and you can see more of her at www.RealDoll.com

Tia and Suki...

2008-11-24T13:11:00.000-05:00

...part deux.

Because this one is my favorite.

*the above photo is of Tia and Suki doll.

Haute Couture...

2008-11-20T23:42:00.001-05:00

...okay, not really. But it does remind me of something you might see in a French Fashion magazine. Nipples and all...

Vive La France!!!!

*once again, the beautiful Suki doll

Switchin' it up, huzza...

2008-11-20T11:24:00.000-05:00

I was in the mood to shoot as if I were doing a celebrity portrait, maybe a pretend Blender magazine cover, or Giant magazine. Hey! Don't laugh, I can dream can't I??? One thing that is a constant in my mind, is my desire to do highly stylized (i.e.jacked up) celebrity portraiture.

I would LOVE to shoot Lil' Wayne, or Jessica Simpson (yes, I said Jessica Simpson...she's hot- so fuck off!!!!) even a lesser known Cassie is on my "shoot wish list". Shooting celebrities will likely never happen for me, despite the fact that two celebrities live right in the apartment upstairs....why would they shoot with me? I have zero references from anybody who might be considered a celeb. So what's a girl to do?

Not much.

I can start to shoot some commercial shit. Say it with me folks, "Commercial Shit". Because that is precisely what commercial photography is to an artist. At least it's shit compared to...let's say fashion photography for instance- which tends to be highly artistic. I can safely assume a lot of my work is too edgy for most celebrities, though I do feel like musicians are a bit more open minded when it comes to PR shots. Hence the desire to shoot for magazines like Giant or Blackbook.

Whelp...in the never ending quest to become a well known and desired photographer, I must shoot for the masses. I used a model I have shot with before and I totally made her look like a quasi pop star. Since these days almost every magazine is using white seamless, I whipped out my paper and went to town.

This is the result:

I am sure there are ten thousand things wrong with it...but I love these photos none the less.

*the above photo is Tia, and in case you're too old to know what's on her teeth...it's called a grill, or GRILLZ! And they have been around for a very, very long time. I love grillz. Hell, I liked em' back when they were called "fronts".

AND...............just so your head doesn't hurt from the commercial stuff, here is Tia in an artsy photograph:

*the above photo is Tia with my doll Suki. Suki is available @ http://aidoll.4woods.jp/

ouch!!!

2008-11-11T22:12:00.001-05:00

...hurt me baby girl! This is Carolyn. She is 18. She is perfect.

that's all.

:)

and then there was...

2008-11-10T15:38:00.000-05:00

*the above art was done by me while I had the flu this past week. Ramona was a girl in my gym class when I was in High School- I still paint her to this day. She was absolutely flawless, like a living doll.

I Love Leon Washington...

2008-11-03T13:03:00.000-05:00

At 5'8" and 202lbs. (small in stature according to industry standards), number 29 of the New York Jets is by far my FAVORITE player!!!! He is such an amazing talent- smart, fast, determind. I worship the guy...

...that's all I wanted to say.
: )

*the above photo is my silicone Japanese goddess, Suki.

Hiroo, you rock!

Olives in your anus...

2008-11-02T11:11:00.000-05:00

Did you ever have a waking fantasy? I have them often, I'm demented because of this- so I'm hoping I'm not alone. I have noticed one thing: the less sex I get, the more frequent my fantasies become. Here is a perfect example of a waking fantasy....

My husband (who I am still attracted to, despite the fact it's unrequited) came into the kitchen to grab a handful of Calamata olives (hey, we're Italian!). He had a faux-hawk from sleeping, and two day facial stubble...pure hotness! The sick bitch I am, I pictured him naked on all fours on the kitchen floor while I slowly put olives in his asshole. I actually bursted out with laughter, he asked me what was so funny and I told him.

He was not amused.

*the above photo is my new doll from a Japanese company called 4Woods, I have named her Suki...and she is obscenely hot. Like wow hot. See the 4Woods line up of dolls here, soon my photos will be featured on their website too:

www.aidoll.4woods.jp

Word up!

2008-10-23T14:16:00.000-04:00

...saw this headlining on AOL today and I couldn't agree more. They can start by finally publishing my Employee of the Month feature, as a doll photographer. Or they can publish a doll pictorial shot by me (they have a mock up of my book and Hef is scared of the dolls!). Anyway, here is the article (click the pic for full size):

sexual dirt...

2008-10-22T07:47:00.000-04:00

...this series is as raunchy as it gets. But you won't see it here. I shot this series of a RealDoll ™ with a realgirl a few months ago, and only recently got around to retouching the final edits. I still have seven more to go before I am done!! These are by far the naughtiest photos I have EVER taken, and the model is STELLAR for having the guts to do things like this. Her name is Isobel Wren, and she has a pay site bearing the same name. I assume that these photos will be available to view for a membership fee, and deservedly so!!!

I have to take a breather between retouching the photos...hell, I have to take a cold shower!!!!!

is it hot in here?

*the above photo is Isobel Wren , and the series is actually in color. You can see LOTS more of Isobel @ www.IsobelWren.com

thanks...

2008-10-21T23:29:00.000-04:00

...for the advise and kind words everybody. It's nice to know you guys are out there and that some of you can relate. Those that can't- you're better off!!! Anyway, the husband and I are still all weird...I miss "us".

What the hell is happening?

so...

Let's move on shall we???? I want to talk about my newest doll face. She is a BoyToy seasons, Autumn. I received the first one, with the task of photographing her for the BoyToy website (www.BoyToyDolls.com). I will confess right now, that I think this is the prettiest doll face I have seen yet. She reminds me of so many beautiful faces that I have seen before all rolled into one. Her wide set eyes are very Kate Moss, and the fact that they're light brown adds to the dreamy look.

* the above pics are of my newest hussy, Roxanne Malone.

deeper into the abyss...

2008-10-12T23:31:00.000-04:00

Sometimes things just go wrong. Not because of any fault of your own- they just do.

I don't know why I give a shit, but tonight something happened that I found to be very hurtful. First a brief history lesson: I grew up in Brooklyn and we were never rich. In New York city the rich rub noses with the rich, the poor, and everything in between. Currently I live in a wealthy area of NYC where people have more money than you can fathom. I don't fit in with the label whore/ Park Ave. Princess type rich folk, because in my core, I still feel like the girl from Brooklyn who never had too much (or even enough for that matter).

Cut to tonight...

In the local gourmet grocery store armed only with a gold American Express, I bought some groceries for tomorrow. Maybe because it was 11:30 at night, maybe because I was wearing sneakers and jeans. Regardless, I don't know why but the lady accused me of using stolen credit cards. I was never so instantly angered and hurt all at once. Why did she assume I was a criminal? Could she tell underneath it all that I was just a poor kid from Brooklyn? She told me she would no longer accept credit cards from me.

There I was in jeans and sneakers, wearing 2 karat diamond earrings and a wedding band that would blind you. Unconfident (from my recent bout of depression) and shaken I yelled at her, "Are you kidding me? Lady, I'm rich!". Just then my doorman came in (his shift wasn't for another 30 minutes). I felt like an asshole for saying that- but I was really hurt and extremely embarrassed. That has never happened to me in my life. Not even when I actually was broke.

I left the store and began to cry on my walk home. When I came in and tried to tell my husband what happened, he didn't even look up from his newspaper to feign interest. I didn't get four sentences out, or to the part where she was horrible to me. I just stopped talking, left the room and went into my studio. I began to cry so hard it hurt my tummy, and he still never came out to see what happened (even though I prefaced the whole thing with, "something awful just happened to me"). Couple that with the sex that I get once a month, and you'll know why I'm a mess right now.

I used to be forbidden to discuss my marriage here in this blog, but he doesn't even read it anymore.

ouch.

*the above photo is of Amy again...she has that whole Marilyn Monroe thing going on in this photo- a certain vulnerability we all have.

"Just the facts, ma'am"

2008-10-10T01:55:00.000-04:00

So now that the issue of Park magazine, which has my feature in it is officially over- I will post the interview in it's entirety. Especially for those that do not read or speak French. This was the questionnaire as it appeared when I replied to the lovely Sandra via email. Since the article has been published, two things have changed- I have turned 37 and Penthouse published 4 solid pages of my photos and didn't credit me once...but Penthouse is a disgusting piece of shit rag anyway!

Park: Stacy, who are you ?
Me: I am an artist that grew up in New York City. I am a product of gentrification, pop culture, divorce and the public school system. I have no siblings and I am a solitude person.

Park: How do the "others" describe you ?
Me: I am often told I am a lot of fun and outgoing, as well as positive with a killer sense of humor. The worst thing ever said about me, is there is no filter between my brain and my mouth....which I suppose means I say a lot of stupid things!

Park: How would you like the others to see you ?
Me: I am not sure that I have thought about that...If I have to choose a way to be seen- it would as a visionary.

Park: How old are you ? Where do you live ?
Me: I am a 36 year old, married photographer who resides in Tribeca NYC. I currently have a cat- but we are trying for children!

Park: For how long have you been a photographer ?
Me: I was a film student at NYU, but I never graduated. I dropped out because the cost was too much for me to handle at the time. Sometimes I wish I had finished, maybe one day I will. I have been shooting for three years steadily, but really I have been shooting since I was a child. I still have photos I shot at around age 9 with a 110 mm camera. If you can believe it, the photos are of my Barbie dolls!!!!!!

Park: Did you have personnal shows ? If so, when, with wich art galleries ? What was the name of the exhibitions ?
Me: I have only been involved in group art shows. Here in the states, my art is considered erotic in nature and because it isn't shot in black and white it doesn't get treated as art....yet!!!! I am not really sure America understands my art. We [USA] as a country proclaim to be free- but the judgement made towards my art is so visceral- I find it scary at times.

Park: Where have your REALDOLL pictures been published ?
Me: I have been published mostly in Europe, but have had my work published in "adult" magazines here in the states. I am currently awaiting to hear from Playboy as well as Penthouse- but I don't believe either magazine will have the guts to publish my doll photos. Playboy has been back and forth about publishing my photos for over a year.

Park: How many Real Dolls do you have ? 2 ? Since when ? Why ? Did you purchase them ?
Me: I have had two for awhile now. I originally began shooting a competitors doll which I purchased with the intent of using her in my photography. The doll weighed 130 lbs., and me being only 5'2" could not move her around. I was constantly injuring my back!!!! I was contacted by Realdoll, and offered a trade- the competitors doll, for a Realdoll. I jumped at the chance to own a Realdoll so I traded with them and I have never looked back! I once had a Realdoll with huge breasts, but sadly she was broken from all the posing for my photography- so I gave her away. She was replaced with one of the dolls I have now.

Park: How many Real Dolls faces do you have ? 6 it seems, and 30 wigs...
Me: I have 8 faces and all of them have names! I named them because I inherently believe that just about anything with a face deserves a name. Besides naming the faces, added a persona to them that would be followed through in their respective photo-shoots. I have well over 40 wigs (I just purchased 3 more the other day).

Park: How did you encounter with the Real Doll company ? Did they contact you to take pictures ?
Me: I originally heard about Realdolls from a program on Cable television, called "Realsex" on HBO. I fell in love with them immediately and vowed to eventually own one. Eventually I went to the Adult Entertainment Expo held in Las Vegas every January. I bought my first Realdoll on the spot. She was a face 14 body 2, named Taylor Nishino. She still holds a special place in my heart! The company had seen my photos on the internet and emailed me about possibly working together. I called them, and the rest is history.

Park: What is the name of your Real Dolls ? Jaime, Ashley... How do you see them ? Only as dolls ?
Me: Naming Realdolls is a lot of fun! My dolls names are: Taylor Nishino, Tabitha Leone (she is the one I had to give away but the new owner kept her name) Tanya and Daniella Deville (they're sisters but they are different faces), Tiffany Keller, Ashley and Jamie Anderson (again, sisters but they're different faces) and Hana Samoza. Although I name the dolls, I only see them as objects- much in the same way men have affection for their cars. I have always been a fan of dolls, even as a child.

Park: Are your Real Dolls always an object of desire ? Are they, for you, always associated with erotica ou sexuallity ?
Me: My dolls are never an object of desire. For me, they are inspirational- I liken them to muse material for my art. I can look at them objectively, they're beautiful but I cannot get aroused by them.

Park: Do you speak to them while shooting ? Do they answer ?
Me: I do not speak to them ever really...I occasionally bump into a doll, and find myself apologizing- but than I laugh at myself for talking to them!!!!

Park: Are your Real Dolls a projection of yourself ? More than a "living model" would be ?
Me: I don't think the dolls are always a projection of myself- but a therapist might disagree. Sometimes I am really connected emotionally with the photos I have shot of the dolls, but other times my doll photos are just eye candy. I will say with complete candor, that I objectify the dolls much in the same way that I and millions of other women are objectified.....with a camera.

Park: When ever you're sad, or feeling blue, or totally dark, can you express it through your pictures of Real Dolls ?
Me: I find that photographing the dolls is one of the best ways to work out emotions. The inability to change the dolls expression makes it challenging, but I somehow seem to get that emotion across with lighting and small nuances.

Park: What did you feel the first time you touched the skin of a Real Doll ?
Me: I thought they felt cold and sticky- but the breasts were squishy like real breasts. It was very interesting, because I never even thought about the fact that they were cold so it shocked me a little bit. But I wanted one- cold or not!

Park: Where are your Real Dolls when you don't shoot them ?
Me: Generally it's best to keep the dolls hanging when not in use- but I move them around enough that they are never in one place for too long. Currently one of my dolls is in great need of repair. She is downstairs sitting nude in a chair over looking the billiard table. My other doll is sitting on the couch.....nude of course.

Park: What did you feel when you went to the Real Dolls company for the first time ?
Me: The first and only time I have ever been to the factory, was to shoot the dolls for the Realdoll website. I enjoyed meeting the folks who make the dolls- they are such an amazing group of people. There is a true feeling of camaraderie amongst doll people....even those that create them. When I left the factory, I had wished I owned every doll and face they had.

Park: Was it scary ? Wonderfull ? Did you feel you were among life or death or neither ?
Me: I am always amazed that people are afraid of the dolls. There is nothing scary to me. When I was a teenager, there was a store named Alexanders, that was going out of business. When they were having their last clearance sale, I asked how much for a mannequin? The man at Alexanders offered me six mannequins for $200- I begged my mom for the money and bought them. I had the mannequins in my bedroom until I was old enough to move out on my own, where the mannequins were placed sporadically around my apartment. I suppose I was preparing myself!!!! I have never thought of dolls or mannequins as dead people. Dead people are gross looking, the dolls are beautiful and most embody youth at its finest.

Park: Would you have a Real Doll made at your image ?
Me: I would not make a doll in my image if the only option was my current age! I would however, love to have a doll that looked like me in my prime...I modeled and was quite cute back then! I am sure my husband might actually find interest in the doll if it looked like me (he is totally indifferent to the dolls and has no desire to deal with them in any way....sadly!)

Park: How many minutes/hours to make a photo of a Real Doll ?
Me: A doll photo-shoot can take anywhere from 1 hour to 6 hours. I once worked on a photo that had two dolls in it. The dolls were in crazy poses that dolls shouldn't do. One doll was pulling the other dolls hair, and the dolls were falling over. When one doll was perfect, the others arm would drop. Nothing was going right and I was perspiring and cursing- but I got the shot. One shot after almost six hours, very frustrating. Had it been real girls, the shoot would have been over in 20 minutes.

Park: What do you prefer ? To shoot Real Dolls or "living" models ?
Me: I love shooting them both equally. They are so different to shoot, but the dolls take a lot more time, energy, and patience. With the dolls you have to be prepared to change your vision because of their inability to do certain poses. Humans are way easier to shoot.

Park: Do you think your art is to be published only in "sexy" magazines ?
Me: I certainly hope not. I have decided to shop my art around a lot more this summer. I have plans to visit some galleries here in nyc, as well as in California. I also am working on a book- which I hope to have published in this lifetime!

Park: What are you the most ? A Real Doll lover or a photographer ?
Me: I am a Realdoll Photographer. Hands down.

Park: What are your other projects ?
Me: I am currently working on some beauty/fashion stories with the dolls and plan on getting them published here in the states. I believe that if I remove the sexual aspect of the dolls- the USA will be more open to them. Once they accept them, I will open the flood gates and drench them with my edgier stuff!

*the above photo is Ami Lynn...a bona fide M.I.L.F if I ever saw one!!!! Her husband is icky, sweep her off her feet guys!!!

I Love Dolls...

2008-10-02T13:13:00.001-04:00

I don't give a fuck...I do.

Having spent almost every day since my birthday inside the apartment in a bona-fide funk, I have regained my appreciation for dolls. It never left, mind you...it simply took a back seat to my photographing humans. I want desperately to photograph people, but I get nothing from it except a myriad of bills. Nobody wants to pay me to photograph shit- except doll companies. That's fine...

for now.

Somehow, I have to make my way out of this funk. It's a solitude one, and I am not embracing it. It sure let's you know who your true friends are though...

*the above doll is my BoyToy Doll with a new face named, Gia DeLuca. She is a Miss March and can be purchased from www.BoyToyDolls.com

Belly Laughs...

2008-09-15T16:48:00.000-04:00

...feel so good!!! I usually get a good belly laugh out of Family Guy. But the little ballet dance her ankles do before she actually falls really is funny. She looks like a back-up dancer for James Brown!

Sorry if you've already seen this (it's old news already), but I just had to share!!!

***Video removed by me!!! Sorry, but it was on a continuous loop- and therefore VERY fucking annoying***

Beauty...

2008-09-10T15:09:00.000-04:00

...doesn't disappear with age- the definition just shifts a little bit.

It's official. I am 37 today.

37 years old and I still play with dolls. Like Veronica (my BoyToy hussy).

Here I am yesterday morning, no photoshop, the shitty little built in camera on my computer.

Just me, the last day I was 36 years old.

Meet George Jetson....

2008-09-05T09:46:00.000-04:00

...daughter Judy.

I don't have too much to say...I wish I did though. I am headed to Florida to watch my revamped Jets take on the revamped Dolphins. It's funny because if you know anything about football, you know what's going on. The best part is we bought our tickets when Pennington was still bleeding green. He'll be missed, but this is the Favre era, and we are long overdue...

Oh, bring us to the promise land Favre....

*The above photo is the awesome little Lauren- who has the potential to be my muse. She inspires me (I am a sucker for platinum blonde). I got her a casting with Playboy magazine, wish her luck!!!!